Planning Your Wedding
Your wedding ceremony is the very core of your special day. Making it
just right, as with every other part of your wedding, requires careful
planning and organisation. Although there are price parameters to be considered
here as well, the successful ceremony is more an issue of content than
of budget. Once again, it is best to break down the larger issue into
smaller components. If you do your research and planning carefully, arranging
your ceremony can be a fulfilling, pleasant, and even a spiritual experience.
Begin by deciding the type of ceremony you wish to have. Whether you
want the ceremony to be held by a clergy person, or other officiator,
find and reserve that person early.
If you are going to have a Catholic ceremony, you have basically two
choices: a ceremony contained within a mass, or a service held without
a mass. Practicing Catholics tend to prefer the former. Once that decision
is made, the parameters are fairly well laid out by tradition. Changes
and additions may be made, but the priest is the final arbiter of what
is and is not appropriate. This varies greatly from a Quaker or Friends
ceremony in which anyone in the congregation may speak, at any length,
on virtually any subject (preferably one that is spiritual rather than
mundane). Jewish wedding ceremonies traditionally end with a "bang,"
the shattering of a glass underfoot. There are a variety of interpretations
for this tradition, just one of which is the addition to every happy event,
a bit of sadness that recalls the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem.
Religious ceremonies each have their own particular guidelines, too numerous
to mention here. So, If you wish to have a religious ceremony, your best
resource for information is your clergy person. Interfaith, intercultural
ceremonies, or same-sex commitment ceremonies all come with their own
particular details and specifics. It is best for you to consult with your
officiator or another expert to give you the guidelines and make suggestions
for the preparation of a tasteful, moving ceremony. Your clergy person
may also have special requirements for the bride and groom, such as premarital
counseling for discussion of critical issues in your upcoming marriage.
You will need to pick a location for your ceremony. Especially if it
is to be held in a church or synagogue, you should make reservations way
in advance. Popular seasons and times of year, get taken early. Planning
a year in advance is not too much ahead of time.
Next comes your decision regarding you wedding vows. Weddings today are
stressing enduring values, with couples placing emphasis on their shared
trust, faith, and monogamy. Your wedding vows are a public declaration
of your marriage. You may choose traditional wedding vows, you may write
your own vows, or you may use a combination of the old and the new.
You can make your vows more relevant to you by substituting words or
phrases, by adding verses, and by mentioning family and friends. In this
way, you personalise your vows so that they become more meaningful to
you and your guests. Verses you select may come from the Scriptures or
prayers from the Bible, in which there are many lovely words that emphasize
the sanctity of marriage. You may choose to do a reading from a favourite
book, poem, or play that has particular significance to the two of you.
Some brides and grooms get even more "serious" by quoting from
works of philosophy which illustrate their feelings and convictions to
one another.
In a Jewish wedding, the vows, so to speak, are the ketubah, or wedding
contract, signed by the couple before the ceremony. In some cases, the
circumstance surrounding recitation of the vows is more important even
than the content. Couples who have a strong belief in astrology may be
concerned about waiting for a particular planetary alignment to start
their marriage in an auspicious way. Whether your wedding is a large,
formal one, or a small, intimate one, the ambiance of the ceremony can
be enhanced by your choice and delivery of your wedding vows.
Should you choose to have music at your ceremony, it will add immeasurably
to the magic of the moment. Music always has the ability to set the tone
for an event. This is equally true for your ceremony. Music must be chosen
carefully, with attention to good taste, as well as to personal preferences.
Traditionally ceremony music is performed by an organist and/or string
quartet (violin, flute, harp), or a brass ensemble (trumpet, trombone,
French horn, baritone). You may compliment your instrumental music with
one or more vocal soloists.
Like with other aspects of your ceremony, you may stay with traditional
musical instruments and selections or you may be more experimental and
"creative" by selecting more contemporary music. The use of
guitar or harp, with or without an accompanying soloist, is just one suggestion.
An ensemble of two to five string or wind instruments is another alternative.
Music can begin being played as your guests enter and are seated. This
should take between 20 and 30 minutes depending on the number of guests
and the size of the location. Music can accompany various parts of the
ceremony. When the wedding party enters, musical accompaniment, from the
tradition wedding march to a mixed variety of pieces can be played. If
the clergy person sings any of the parts of ceremony, he or she may choose
to have musical accompaniment. Music continues during the recessional,
as the wedding party and then the guests exit. The clergy or officiator
may be asked to make recommendations regarding both the kinds of music
and the choice of musicians, and vocalists.
You will first need to decide the kind of music you like. Do so by listening
to as many different choices as possible. Many musical groups will furnish
you with tapes to listen to in order to make your choice. Be careful with
your choice of pieces, because some religious groups may restrict the
use of secular pieces, even though in most cases you will have complete
freedom with regard to the kinds of musical instruments. Once you have
selected your musicians, they become another valuable resource. They will
be pleased to offer you with suggestions, of lists of suggestions of music
they suggest for the different segments of your ceremony.
Keep in mind that there may be religious restrictions regarding photography,
videos, and music during the ceremony, Be certain to check with your clergy
person for those parameters.
One of your best resources for planning your wedding ceremony is your
clergy person or wedding officiator. These are professionals who have
participated in many ceremonies, know what to expect, can guide you, and
keep you clear of pitfalls. They are aware of the legal requirements,
as well as other details of your ceremony and will be pleased to assist
you.
Other bits of nontraditional, or novel additions to your ceremony are
the lighting of a unity candle to symbolize the unity of the newly created
family. Especially when the wedding is between couples of different religious
or ethnic backgrounds, the blending of cultures and traditions is an option
that brides and grooms are taking more and more often. One way of differentiating
a ceremony is by embracing a variety of histories. One such example is
the inclusion of the African tradition in which the bride and groom jump
a broom, and the Latin custom in which the bridal couple are encircled
by a braided silver necklace to signify the formation of a new family
unit.
One lovely sentimental touch that can be added to your ceremony, is the
presentation of bouquets by the bride and groom to each other's mothers.
Your wedding rings serve as a reminder, always, of your commitment to
one another. Jewish tradition calls for the groom to convey something
of value to his bride (and more recently, she to him, as well). This conveyance
seals the wedding contract, so it is in a sense part of a legal ceremony.
Although couples have also exchanged other items, rings still win out.
It is extraordinarily important for you to share the details of your
ceremony with all the professionals who will take part in your wedding.
If they each know the details, they can make certain that they perform
their allotted functions in a timely, organised way, including and covering
everything you deem to be important. Discussion and communication are
the keywords here!
Where possible and permissible, a thorough rehearsal of the wedding ceremony
is suggested. For some reason the rehearsal dinner has flourished while
the actual rehearsal often falls away. Take your time at the rehearsal,
and have everyone participating run through the routine at least twice.
The goal here is to get everyone familiar with the schedule and comfortable.
Remember to keep in mind that planning your ceremony should be a bonding
element between bride and groom. Try not to allow disagreements about
details to adversely impact on this delightful aspect of your wedding.
Ceremony
An environmentally correct alternative to having your guests toss rice
or confetti at you as you leave the church, adds a nice touch. Have your
florist or a friend, make paper cones (you might even have your name printed
on these) which are then filled with rose petals. Have guests throw the
petals instead of rice.
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